Saying Goodbye

I thought I would share what I read at AJ's Funeral:

AJ has always had a special place in my heart. You see, being the second oldest girl in a line of sisters doesn’t put you as the favorite.  I had to beg my younger sisters to play with me.  However, even if for just a short time while he was younger, I was AJ’s favorite. I had finally swayed one of the younger siblings.

Being that AJ was 10 years younger, I have many fond memories of him growing up.  From helping change his diapers, swinging him around like an airplane, feeding him one bite of baby food (and then myself one as well), rocking him back to sleep if he woke up, to sleeping next to him when Ashlyn and I came to visit or rubbing his back until he would fall asleep.  He definitely had me wrapped around his finger.

One funny memory I have is when we tried to explain that his mom was also our mom.  With a blended family such as ours, even for adults it is hard to keep it straight.  AJ was no different and always insisted that mom was his mom.

My favorite thing that AJ would do is ask mom to call me.  He was probably 4-6 years old when he started to do this. It was the best to answer the phone and hear his sweet voice.  He would tell me all about what he had been up to.  From how many goals he scored in soccer, tricks he could now do on the trampoline, to how he had played with the cats and dogs.

Needless to say this would end as he grew up because as a typical teenage boy he didn’t like to talk on the phone.  But if on occasion he did call I would be sure to answer no matter where or what I was doing.  I loved hearing about what he had been up to, his dreams, and what kind of car he wanted to get one day.

AJ, being 16, was full of life, hope, and energy.  I am sad that I will not get the opportunity to witness the man that he would have become.  AJ was so smart and had the world ahead of him.  Although he was far from perfect he knew what he needed to do to reach his dreams and at the end of the day, he loved people well.

We have all had a lot to work through with our moms passing almost four years ago. AJ being so young had to navigate through this loss in a different way. I remember the innocent questions of fear and confusion soon after her passing and knowing that all I wanted to do was take away that pain.  I pray that this community of family and friends would be able to walk together and find peace through the pain of losing AJ. 

As I have been reading Kara Tippetts book “The Hardest Peace” this week and in light of the chaos and unanswered questions I’ll leave you all with this quote, “Sometimes the hardest peace to find is the peace in saying goodbye and leaving the work of justice and reconciliation to Jesus.”