On My Heart

I have been reading a "blog update" about a family I do not know.  They are constantly on my mind and heart.

One of my friends on facebook put up this blog about a family in their church (the father is one of the pastors there).  The mom has cancer.  She found out while she was pregnant with their 3rd child.  They did what they could to treat her as long as it would not affect the baby's health.  They then prepared to deliver at 32weeks (with giving steroids to help lung development etc before giving birth).  I could not even imagine how hard it was to balance both of their health's and knowing the risks of each.

The baby was born a month or so ago (and has been home from the hospital for about 2 weeks) and she is healthy.  What a blessing.  The mother on the other hand is not in as great shape.  The cancer has spread to her lungs and they call it stage 4 which is supposed to be un-curable. The doctors are treating it and have had some results with patients beating it.

I know that my God is BIG enough to heal her.  I know that he is Powerful enough to heal her.  I just don't know if that is His will.  I know a lot of people who have lost people to cancer.  God is the one maintaining our lives and even the cancer inside us.  Its hard to understand.  Its hard to accept that God will use all things (even the really hard and sad things) in our lives for OUR good.  To make us more like him.

I know that their whole church family is rallying around them and being the hands and feet of Christ.  I also know that they have been in constant prayer.  I guess my fear is for all those who pray that they would not see God in the chance that he chooses to use her life in a different way to show his glory than healing her.  I hope they are rooted and grounded in the Lord to know at the end of the day he is still good and she will be with Him in Heaven if it is her time.

Again I am not sure why this is so important to me but it seems to constantly be on my heart and mind.  I don't even know them but I feel the pain of others when it comes to losing or possibly losing someone.  Maybe its a new realization of how fragile life is and how real death is.

I feel like my heart and my mind are at odds.  I know that if we ask anything in his name then it shall be given.  We also have the ability to pray big prayers.  But I also know it is His will not mine that I should also pray.  So where does God meet us in all of this?  I am not sure.  I know that he loves us. That he is good. That he hears us. And that he uses EVERYTHING for our good! (Making us more like him). So I guess, we trust that he has it and hope that he would heal...and choose to trust him in the chaos if he doesn't.