But, the whole reason for this post is to (yes, start blogging) but to encourage and share something that put a new perspective on what I have been going through, a few weeks ago...sometimes we need to be told we are allowed to feel a certain way. Its crazy how the "christian" bubble, if we listen to the lies, tells us we shouldn't feel things...cause my BIG God knows all the feelings I have before I have them and HE has never allowed me to fall from his hands.
My Utmost For His Highest (Updated Graduate Edition)
By Oswald Chambers
March 15
"As the followed they were afraid" (Mark 10:32).
At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar--"Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed" (10:32).
There is an aspect of Jesus that chills even a disciple's heart to its depth and makes his entire spiritual life gasp for air. This unusual Person with His face set "like a flint" (Isaiah 50:7) us walking with great determination ahead of me. He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has a point of view about which I know nothing. All I can do is stand and stare at him in amazement. At first I was confident that I understood him, but now I am not so sure. I began realizing that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant.
Jesus Christ had to understand fully every sin and sorrow that human being could experience, and that is what makes Him seem unfamiliar. When we see this aspect of Him, we realize we really don't know Him. We don't recognize even one characteristic of His Life, and we don't know how to begin to follow Him.
The Discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. The danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah 1:10-11). But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy.
JOY! oh how I desire to be joyful...I am not depressed and my life is not awful but I do not have Joy. It is discouraging and hard to know what you have been made to do and know what God has called your life to, but be in a place of waiting. This last year and continuing on into 2011 has been waiting in the desert. I have no idea and I can not fathom what God has in store for me but I am not very patient when it comes to waiting.
Recently I heard the song "Desert" by Hillsong. I really like the words...
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