Finishing school and transitioning into a new stage of life and moving far away from everything and anything you know is kind of challenging to say the least. God did a lot in my move from Phx to Colorado but he has stretched and challenged me 100 times more this time around.
Some great books I have read along the way:
A Million Miles in A Thousand Years By: Donald Miller
Don't Waste Your Life By: John Piper
(Side Note: whether or not you like these authors just with anything in life you take what you can from the ideas portrayed and leave the rest)
I think these books touched a part of me and spoke to my heart because I kind of feel like I have been wasting my life. I think anyone who has ever worked in a field they were not made for or just had a job that they disliked would agree that it is very unsatisfying. Not to be a person who complains a lot but it is just what happens. These books challenge you to live fully within your current place in life. Something God calls us to, "to have life and life to the full". John 10:10 Take the rut I was feeling (and trying to be proactive by taking my attitude captive and being content in Christ) and add my mom passing away suddenly and you get a mess of person who is still very much loved by Christ.
My mom is one of the many avenues Jesus used to bring me to himself. God had been planting the seed for many years prior to my freshman year of high school but it was only when I saw that God was not a God in the sky, simply looking down on us, but a God who is alive, living, and moving among us (through how he was working and changing my mom's life) did I realize who he was and who Jesus was for me. Because God used her life to bring me to himself it has been hard to come to him because there is an ache and pain that lingers. Christ and my mom for me were very intertwined. I don't really know if this is making any sense but it has been interesting. God is still good. God is still loving, faithful, and provides more than I even know, but it causes me to weep when I worship him. Accepting my mom's death is a very hard thing to do. I know it happened (not in denial), but out of stubbornness and dislike for it I do not want to accept it. So when I go to worship and sing "holy, holy, holy..." I cant keep the tears back because I know that these words are true but my heart is breaking at the same time...
(Music is one way the Lord has used, in the last 8 years I have known him, to speak to the deepest parts of who I am and to be words for emotions I do not know how to express. It doesn't always have to be "cheesy" Christian Music. It doesn't make you less cool either if you do listen to Christian Music.)
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