From 7-9am I continued to labor. Contractions now even closer and more intense. I began to squat hoping to allow gravity to help Aubrey drop lower. They also had me try the peanut ball to open up my pelvis more. I was not a fan of it. I needed to move through each contraction. Around 9am as they were having me roll from one side to the other I felt my water break. I remember being super concerned and not 100% sure what was happening. "Um guys, some thing is happening.(pause) I think my water is breaking. (pause) Yes, definitely my water."
The Dr came back and checked me. This is where things began to change. I was actually just at an 8 and my bag of waters had been bulging before making it seem like I was further along than I had been. I continued to labor for the next couple hours. I started to get the feeling of bearing down and needing to push. The contractions were now 2 minutes long and just about 30 seconds apart. No real breaks.
When they went to check me again, Aubrey was not presenting correctly (eye/eyebrow coming first) and my left side of my cervix was not dilating and it was inflamed. They placed internal monitors to watch Aubrey closer (her heart rate was not stable) and to check the strength of my contractions to be sure they would be able to push Aubrey out when the time came. At this point we chose to do IV meds to try and give my cervix a break and hopefully it would continue to dilate. I remember resting for the 30seconds or so between contractions. I was continuing to not progress as needed and my body was telling me to bear down so we needed to do an epidural to give more relief. They had already given me meds to stop/slow down contractions but those had worn off. During some point of talking with the doctor and discussing how we would have to proceed she walked away and I said, "is she mad at me", as I started to cry. She wasn't but it is funny that I was concerned with that during everything that was going on. The 30minutes of waiting for the epidural was the worst. I remember really liking the anesthesiologist, he was very nice. One nurse had to hold my arms to steady my body that was shaking uncontrollably, as I mustered up the strength to sit still through it. They all praised me at how well I had done not moving during contractions that were not letting up. My response was, "Sit still or be paralyzed? That is an easy choice." Yet they still said some people don't or are unable to.
After a couple hours of fading in and our of light sleep, only waking to ask how Aubrey's heart rate was, it was determined that we had to do a c-section. My cervix failed to progress, Aubrey was stuck in the birth canal, and her heart rate was concerning them more and more. When the Dr (whom had tried everything I asked and wanted so much to give me a natural birth because I had worked so hard) said I want to be sure to give you a healthy baby girl and a c-section was the only way to be sure of that, I knew that we needed to go ahead and do the c-section. Brian would be in there with me until Aubrey was born and then he would go with her and Lauren would sit with me as they closed.
They wheeled me over to the surgery room and I began to cry. The emotions/feeling of being scared of having to have a major surgery when I had never even been admitted to the hospital before this was a lot. I had done everything right throughout the pregnancy to prepare myself but in the end I needed surgery. And of course I was apologizing for crying because I didn't mean to cry it was just a release of adrenaline and anxiety. I was excited that I would get to meet Aubrey soon.
Since I usually don't take medicine much when I do they affect me or are stronger. So when they did IV pain meds and the epidural we didn't do the full dosage. I could still feel my legs and the bearing down/pressure of the contractions as I rested. I had wanted to be able to feel when I pushed Aubrey out so they had to give me more meds to numb me for the surgery. Unfortunately the nice man that gave me the epidural was gone and this other lady had to help with numbing me. I had to argue with her and convince her that yes indeed I was not yet numb and I could feel pain where they would be cutting. Finally the dr intervened and used a little scalpel to test and sure enough I could still feel it. They gave me lidocaine to numb the area quicker as they were needing to get Aubrey out soon. I am not sure what they gave me but I know that I felt the beginning of the surgery and I remember seeing Aubrey for the first time but it felt like a dream. I don't remember Brian coming in nor did I ever hear him. I remember Lauren being in there so I knew that Aubrey had to have been born and Brian was with her.
It took 45mins for Brian to be allowed in the room since it took so long for me to be numb. Then Aubrey came out not breathing right away and I started bleeding. Unfortunately Brian had to experience the panic of his daughter not yet breathing and hearing the doctors talking about the bleeding that begun. Once Aubrey was breathing and doing well they brought her over to me for skin to skin. Unfortunately, I just remember briefly seeing her but it still feels like a distant memory or dream. I apparently said, " I have waited for you for so long. I love you Aubrey." but I do not remember it. Brian left with Aubrey, as per our agreement before ever getting to the hospital. Brian had one job once Aubrey was born, no matter what happened to me, he would be with her if I couldn't.
Because of Aubrey's positioning when they pulled her out my uterine wall tore. Begin two hour surgery with two doctors trying to find and stop the bleeding. During this time Lauren was with me and I would go in between being awake and asleep. When awake I would begin asking Lauren the same serious of questions over and over again. "Aubrey is here?"and "Is she okay?". Then me rambling about how I think I got to see her but couldn't remember Brian and that everything feels like a dream. It was the biggest blessing to have Lauren there. They would have just knocked me out or left me there and not have anyone to answer my questions. Thankfully they were able to stop the bleeding but I was still closely monitored for the next 12hours as they anticipated I might need a blood transfusion at any moment. And thankfully I was healthy and came in with lots of iron in my system (for a pregnant lady) that my body was able to bounce back after the blood lose.
It took me a while to come out of the medicine and be coherent. I don't even remember Aubrey's first latch but I was "awake" and responsive for it. That first night was a blur and the weeks of recovery just looked different than I imagined, both emotionally and physically. It was a lot to recover from natural birth (minus the pushing) and the c-section. BUT we are so very thankful for our healthy (but bruised) little nugget.
Aubrey was born at 4:51pm on March 16, 2017 8lbs 3oz and 20in long.
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| Day 2 |
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| Aubrey's going home picture |
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