1. So that I can remember it.
2. So I can process, reflect, and own it
3. And maybe heal a little bit
Oh the anticipation! When I go to reflect on Aubrey's birth, usually in the middle of night during a feeding or while I am bouncing her trying to get my tired girl to sleep, I feel excitement. We had been waiting and waiting and had made it to 40 weeks.
That was the hardest part for me not knowing the day or time that she would make her arrival. I was supposed to work through Thursday March 16th unless Aubrey made her arrival sooner. Our due date was Tuesday March 14th and I thought I would be able to make it two more days. However as the last week of work crept up, my belly continued to grow, and my ankles began to swell. My due date became my last day. Close enough.
I spent Wednesday March 15th at home sleeping in and relaxing instead of being at work. I walked to the store in town to get something to bring to the Wednesday potluck at FUMC Hico. I remember that it was HOT and I stopped to chat with some folks along the way. Once at the potluck and sitting eating dinner about 6pm I had to pull up my contraction app and start tracking contractions. They were not painful but they were continuing to come and were slowly getting closer. I motioned to my phone in my lap and Brian immediately got excited! I headed home a little giddy after dinner but didn't really think that I was in labor or that the contractions would continue as they had started other times but soon faded. Brian came home a little after me. We spent the next few hours continuing to monitor my contractions. I started thinking labor was starting because my system had started clearing out all day, contractions were continuing 4-7mins apart, and I was losing my mucus plug. We would have a random long period of time between contraction about once an hour that would make me second guess myself. We called our Doula, Lauren, around 7pm to let her know that labor may be starting and she told us to keep her updated. Look for more intense not necessarily how frequent as mine were already pretty close together. Over the next two hours contractions held strong and steady anywhere between 5-8mins but began intensifying around 8:30pm. They were now leaving me uncomfortable as I laid on the couch trying to rest. We called Lauren to update her around 9:45pm that this was indeed labor and it was slowly intensifying. We would plan to call her when we were ready to leave for the hospital and have her join us after we got settled or earlier if needed. Brian and I decided to go and try and rest about 11:00pm. We only lasted about an hour in bed, with contractions coming about every 10mins and becoming more intense and some catching me off guard not allowing me to lay down through them. I needed to start breathing through them. I am trying to remember how to describe a contraction. The braxton hicks that I felt at 28 weeks was like my belly was a balloon slowly filling up with air and tightening before releasing. Much of the first few hours of labor felt the same but the contractions at this point would start in my back and radiate what felt like heat wrapping themselves around my belly. I heard that you could feel contractions coming on and then they would peek and slowly fall or fade. Mine would come at what felt like full force and then fall away.
At about midnight I decided it wasn't worth me laying in bed because I was not able to rest comfortably. At 12:30am my contractions went from about 10 mins apart to 3-6mins apart continuing to be intense and I started having to focus on them/stop what I was doing to make it through them. I suggested that Brian get a shower and load the card so that it would be ready. The frequency of contractions was hard to judge if we should go to the hospital or not since it was a good 20mins away and I didn't want to be in transition in the car. At this point I grabbed a towel to lay under the birthing ball which I was using to roll my hips around through the contractions just in case my water might break. From 1-1:30 Brian and I would have the following conversation as I would get a contraction, "oh here is another one....(pause)...I think we need to go soon, this is getting stronger....". Contraction would end. "I am fine now. We don't need to go. I feel like it should be worse than this if we go in." Its humerus reflecting back because a little part of me couldn't really believe that I was in labor or that we were talking about going to the hospital. I think I was in denial still that what we had anticipated for so long was actually happening. From 1:15-1:30 contractions were now 2-3 mins apart and with each contraction I would say we should go in but once it ended say never mind. At this point the app on my phone was also telling us to head to the hospital. Brian was standing at the door with the car loaded ready to go telling me that we had to go. I made some toast with pb and went to the bathroom between contractions always making sure to get back to the birthing ball before one of the contractions hit. We finally were on our way at 1:40am. I called Lauren and told her we were headed in and that we would let her know when we got admitted and when we needed her to head to the hospital. The car ride was not as bad as I imagined and I was so very thankful the construction that was on the road from Hico to Stephenville was not happening overnight so it didn't cause any delays for us.
I know that for some getting to the hospital can stall out labor but for me it was the safety blanket. Yes I wanted a natural labor so that it would give Aubrey and I the best start to breastfeeding and healthy new life/recovery for me. However in case something happened I appreciated being at a hospital that could help us if there was an emergency. We made it to the empty ER at 2am and I immediately had to pee. We started the check in process with the ER and it seemed like it took forever even with per-registering. It was so uncomfortable to sit in the car but equally uncomfortable to stand at the desk. All I wanted was a birthing ball and the ability to roll my hips around to ease the pressure. I stood bent over the desk trying to breathe through the contractions that were still 2-3mins apart. I started a text to Lauren our Doula as they wheeled me back to labor and delivery. It said "We are here going back. Can you please come. They are getting worse." I didn't send it until we reached the triage room. I remember thinking that I needed someone else to help guide me through them because they were becoming too much. Each one was fine but it was the having to try and do things like check in and wheel back to the room and get in hospital gown etc that was hard to deal with while going through each one. And they were not leaving me with much time between them to even think. I went pee (again) and had Brian send the text that I had typed out.
The nurse came in to check and determine if we would be admitted. I would place my fists under each hip bone on my back and rock my body back and forth through the contractions while laying in the bed to be checked. It was the only thing that would relieve some of the pressure and pain. I was at a 5.5 and had been a 3 the day before at my weekly dr appt. where they had done a membrane strip. Contractions were continuous and the dr on call had us admitted. We moved to our labor room at about 3am where they began to get me hooked up and IV in. It took several nurses before they were able to get one in. It would not be the last of the many stabbings throughout our two day stay at the hospital that would leave both of my arms bruised for weeks. Lauren arrived shortly after we were in our room and I just remember asking to get out of bed and that I needed to be able to do something and be in a different position. Once we finally got the okay to get up and everything was set monitoring Aubrey and I. I tried to sit on a birthing ball. OMG! all I remember is that it was worse than laying in the bed. We then elevated the bed and had me on my knees leaning over the back. I had nitrous gas at that point to help take the edge off. However unless I took a breath in right before the contraction peek hit I wouldn't be able to feel much relief and again it was hard to tell when a contraction was coming because they seemed to just abruptly begin with the heat on my back wrapping around my front. I had Lauren and Brian taking turns alternating between pushing my hips together or rubbing with fists against my hip bones. Contractions (which looking back was a little bit of back labor) continued to intensify and kept coming 1-2mins apart. At about 5am they checked me and I was a 7. I felt a little defeated because how was it that I had been doing this for a few hours and not been further along.
During the contractions I would sway back and forth on my knees leaning against the bed with Lauren or Brian adding some kind of counter pressure. I found myself being abrupt and demanding on how they needed to do it for each one. I may have managed to elbow Brian in the head several times on accident as I reached my hand back to guide theirs on where to push to give some relief. Between 5am and 7am through my contractions I would say "guys please help me" and "I need help". looking back Brian and I laugh, but I couldn't communicate what I needed nor did I really know. I just needed relief. I remember during this thinking about some of my friends who I knew gave birth naturally and tried to draw strength from not just that so many women before me had done this, but that people I knew and love did and I was capable. I did occasionally think, "why do people do it naturally. why did I want to do this again?" Then I remembered Aubrey and that this was temporary.
At 7am the Dr on call came back in to check me. At this point she said I was a 10. My response was "OH THANK GOD." And I began to cry. I needed to be a 10 in that moment. My water had not yet broken and they gave me the option of allowing it to break on its own (so that my contractions would naturally bring down Aubrey more) or having them break it which would just increase contractions and pain (but Aubrey would still need to drop lower before I could push). I decided to wait for my water to break on its own....
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