Aubrey's Birth Story, Part 2

Be sure to check out Aubrey's Birth Story, Part 1 if you haven't yet!

From 7-9am I continued to labor.  Contractions now even closer and more intense.  I began to squat hoping to allow gravity to help Aubrey drop lower. They also had me try the peanut ball to open up my pelvis more.  I was not a fan of it.  I needed to move through each contraction.  Around 9am as they were having me roll from one side to the other I felt my water break.  I remember being super concerned and not 100% sure what was happening. "Um guys, some thing is happening.(pause) I think my water is breaking. (pause) Yes, definitely my water."

The Dr came back and checked me.  This is where things began to change.  I was actually just at an 8 and my bag of waters had been bulging before making it seem like I was further along than I had been.  I continued to labor for the next couple hours. I started to get the feeling of bearing down and needing to push. The contractions were now 2 minutes long and just about 30 seconds apart.  No real breaks.

When they went to check me again, Aubrey was not presenting correctly (eye/eyebrow coming first) and my left side of my cervix was not dilating and it was inflamed.   They placed internal monitors to watch Aubrey closer (her heart rate was not stable) and to check the strength of my contractions to be sure they would be able to push Aubrey out when the time came. At this point we chose to do IV meds to try and give my cervix a break and hopefully it would continue to dilate. I remember resting for the 30seconds or so between contractions. I was continuing to not progress as needed and my body was telling me to bear down so we needed to do an epidural to give more relief.  They had already given me meds to stop/slow down contractions but those had worn off. During some point of talking with the doctor and discussing how we would have to proceed she walked away and I said, "is she mad at me", as I started to cry.  She wasn't but it is funny that I was concerned with that during everything that was going on. The 30minutes of waiting for the epidural was the worst. I remember really liking the anesthesiologist, he was very nice.  One nurse had to hold my arms to steady my body that was shaking uncontrollably, as I mustered up the strength to sit still through it.  They all praised me at how well I had done not moving during contractions that were not letting up.   My response was, "Sit still or be paralyzed? That is an easy choice." Yet they still said some people don't or are unable to.

After a couple hours of fading in and our of light sleep, only waking to ask how Aubrey's heart rate was, it was determined that we had to do a c-section.  My cervix failed to progress, Aubrey was stuck in the birth canal, and her heart rate was concerning them more and more. When the Dr (whom had tried everything I asked and wanted so much to give me a natural birth because I had worked so hard) said I want to be sure to give you a healthy baby girl and a c-section was the only way to be sure of that, I knew that we needed to go ahead and do the c-section.  Brian would be in there with me until Aubrey was born and then he would go with her and Lauren would sit with me as they closed.

They wheeled me over to the surgery room and I began to cry.  The emotions/feeling of being scared of having to have a major surgery when I had never even been admitted to the hospital before this was a lot. I had done everything right throughout the pregnancy to prepare myself but in the end I needed surgery.  And of course I was apologizing for crying because I didn't mean to cry it was just a release of adrenaline and anxiety.  I was excited that I would get to meet Aubrey soon.

Since I usually don't take medicine much when I do they affect me or are stronger. So when they did IV pain meds and the epidural we didn't do the full dosage.   I could still feel my legs and the bearing down/pressure of the contractions as I rested. I had wanted to be able to feel when I pushed Aubrey out so they had to give me more meds to numb me for the surgery. Unfortunately the nice man that gave me the epidural was gone and this other lady had to help with numbing me.  I had to argue with her and convince her that yes indeed I was not yet numb and I could feel pain where they would be cutting.  Finally the dr intervened and used a little scalpel to test and sure enough I could still feel it.  They gave me lidocaine to numb the area quicker as they were needing to get Aubrey out soon. I am not sure what they gave me but I know that I felt the beginning of the surgery and I remember seeing Aubrey for the first time but it felt like a dream.  I don't remember Brian coming in nor did I ever hear him.  I remember Lauren being in there so I knew that Aubrey had to have been born and Brian was with her.

It took 45mins for Brian to be allowed in the room since it took so long for me to be numb. Then Aubrey came out not breathing right away and I started bleeding.  Unfortunately Brian had to experience the panic of his daughter not yet breathing and hearing the doctors talking about the bleeding that begun.  Once Aubrey was breathing and doing well they brought her over to me for skin to skin. Unfortunately, I just remember briefly seeing her but it still feels like a distant memory or dream. I apparently said, " I have waited for you for so long.  I love you Aubrey." but I do not remember it.   Brian left with Aubrey, as per our agreement before ever getting to the hospital.  Brian had one job once Aubrey was born, no matter what happened to me, he would be with her if I couldn't.

Because of Aubrey's positioning when they pulled her out my uterine wall tore. Begin two hour surgery with two doctors trying to find and stop the bleeding.  During this time Lauren was with me and I would go in between being awake and asleep.  When awake I would begin asking Lauren the same serious of questions over and over again. "Aubrey is here?"and "Is she okay?". Then me rambling about how I think I got to see her but couldn't remember Brian and that everything feels like a dream. It was the biggest blessing to have Lauren there.  They would have just knocked me out or left me there and not have anyone to answer my questions.   Thankfully they were able to stop the bleeding but I was still closely monitored for the next 12hours as they anticipated I might need a blood transfusion at any moment. And thankfully I was healthy and came in with lots of iron in my system (for a pregnant lady) that my body was able to bounce back after the blood lose.

It took me a while to come out of the medicine and be coherent.  I don't even remember Aubrey's first latch but I was "awake" and responsive for it. That first night was a blur and the weeks of recovery just looked different than I imagined, both emotionally and physically.  It was a lot to recover from natural birth (minus the pushing) and the c-section. BUT we are so very thankful for our healthy (but bruised) little nugget.

Aubrey was born at 4:51pm on March 16, 2017 8lbs 3oz and 20in long.

Day 2

Aubrey's going home picture

Aubrey's Birth Story, Part 1

I have really wanted to take time to blog about Aubrey's birth for a number of reasons:

1. So that I can remember it.
2. So I can process, reflect, and own it
3. And maybe heal a little bit

Oh the anticipation! When I go to reflect on Aubrey's birth, usually in the middle of night during a feeding or while I am bouncing her trying to get my tired girl to sleep, I feel excitement. We had been waiting and waiting and had made it to 40 weeks.

That was the hardest part for me not knowing the day or time that she would make her arrival. I was supposed to work through Thursday March 16th unless Aubrey made her arrival sooner.  Our due date was Tuesday March 14th and I thought I would be able to make it two more days.  However as the last week of work crept up, my belly continued to grow, and my ankles began to swell. My due date became my last day. Close enough.

I spent Wednesday March 15th at home sleeping in and relaxing instead of being at work.  I walked to the store in town to get something to bring to the Wednesday potluck at FUMC Hico.  I remember that it was HOT and I stopped to chat with some folks along the way.  Once at the potluck and sitting eating dinner about 6pm I had to pull up my contraction app and start tracking contractions.  They were not painful but they were continuing to come and were slowly getting closer.  I motioned to my phone in my lap and Brian immediately got excited! I headed home a little giddy after dinner but didn't really think that I was in labor or that the contractions would continue as they had started other times but soon faded.  Brian came home a little after me.  We spent the next few hours continuing to monitor my contractions.  I started thinking labor was starting because my system had started clearing out all day, contractions were continuing 4-7mins apart, and I was losing my mucus plug.  We would have a random long period of time between contraction about once an hour that would make me second guess myself.  We called our Doula, Lauren, around 7pm to let her know that labor may be starting and she told us to keep her updated. Look for more intense not necessarily how frequent as mine were already pretty close together. Over the next two hours contractions held strong and steady anywhere between 5-8mins but began intensifying around 8:30pm.  They were now leaving me uncomfortable as I laid on the couch trying to rest.  We called Lauren to update her around 9:45pm that this was indeed labor and it was slowly intensifying.  We would plan to call her when we were ready to leave for the hospital and have her join us after we got settled or earlier if needed.  Brian and I decided to go and try and rest about 11:00pm. We only lasted about an hour in bed, with contractions coming about every 10mins and becoming more intense and some catching me off guard not allowing me to lay down through them.  I needed to start breathing through them. I am trying to remember how to describe a contraction.  The braxton hicks that I felt at 28 weeks was like my belly was a balloon slowly filling up with air and tightening before releasing. Much of the first few hours of labor felt the same but the contractions at this point would start in my back and radiate what felt like heat wrapping themselves around my belly. I heard that you could feel contractions coming on and then they would peek and slowly fall or fade.  Mine would come at what felt like full force and then fall away.

At about midnight I decided it wasn't worth me laying in bed because I was not able to rest comfortably.  At 12:30am my contractions went from about 10 mins apart to 3-6mins apart continuing to be intense and I started having to focus on them/stop what I was doing to make it through them. I suggested that Brian get a shower and load the card so that it would be ready. The frequency of  contractions was hard to judge if we should go to the hospital or not since it was a good 20mins away and I didn't want to be in transition in the car.  At this point I grabbed a towel to lay under the birthing ball which I was using to roll my hips around through the contractions just in case my water might break. From 1-1:30 Brian and I would have the following conversation as I would get a contraction, "oh here is another one....(pause)...I think we need to go soon, this is getting stronger....". Contraction would end. "I am fine now.  We don't need to go.  I feel like it should be worse than this if we go in." Its humerus reflecting back because a little part of me couldn't really believe that I was in labor or that we were talking about going to the hospital. I think I was in denial still that what we had anticipated for so long was actually happening. From 1:15-1:30 contractions were now 2-3 mins apart and with each contraction I would say we should go in but once it ended say never mind.  At this point the app on my phone was also telling us to head to the hospital.  Brian was standing at the door with the car loaded ready to go telling me that we had to go.  I made some toast with pb and went to the bathroom between contractions always making sure to get back to the birthing ball before one of the contractions hit. We finally were on our way at 1:40am.  I called Lauren and told her we were headed in and that we would let her know when we got admitted and when we needed her to head to the hospital.  The car ride was not as bad as I imagined and I was so very thankful the construction that was on the road from Hico to Stephenville was not happening overnight so it didn't cause any delays for us.

I know that for some getting to the hospital can stall out labor but for me it was the safety blanket.  Yes I wanted a natural labor so that it would give Aubrey and I the best start to breastfeeding and healthy new life/recovery for me. However in case something happened I appreciated being at a hospital that could help us if there was an emergency. We made it to the empty ER at 2am and I immediately had to pee.  We started the check in process with the ER and it seemed like it took forever even with per-registering.  It was so uncomfortable to sit in the car but equally uncomfortable to stand at the desk.  All I wanted was a birthing ball and the ability to roll my hips around to ease the pressure. I stood bent over the desk trying to breathe through the contractions that were still 2-3mins apart.  I started a text to Lauren our Doula as they wheeled me back to labor and delivery. It said "We are here going back. Can you please come. They are getting worse." I didn't send it until we reached the triage room. I remember thinking that I needed someone else to help guide me through them because they were becoming too much.  Each one was fine but it was the having to try and do things like check in and wheel back to the room and get in hospital gown etc that was hard to deal with while going through each one.  And they were not leaving me with much time between them to even think. I went pee (again) and had Brian send the text that I had typed out.

The nurse came in to check and determine if we would be admitted. I would place my fists under each hip bone on my back and rock my body back and forth through the contractions while laying in the bed to be checked. It was the only thing that would relieve some of the pressure and pain. I was at a 5.5 and had been a 3 the day before at my weekly dr appt. where they had done a membrane strip. Contractions were continuous and the dr on call had us admitted.  We moved to our labor room at about 3am where they began to get me hooked up and IV in.  It took several nurses before they were able to get one in. It would not be the last of the many stabbings throughout our two day stay at the hospital that would leave both of my arms bruised for weeks. Lauren arrived shortly after we were in our room and I just remember asking to get out of bed and that I needed to be able to do something and be in a different position.  Once we finally got the okay to get up and everything was set monitoring Aubrey and I. I tried to sit on a birthing ball.  OMG! all I remember is that it was worse than laying in the bed. We then elevated the bed and had me on my knees leaning over the back.  I had nitrous gas at that point to help take the edge off.  However unless I took a breath in right before the contraction peek hit I wouldn't be able to feel much relief and again it was hard to tell when a contraction was coming because they seemed to just abruptly begin with the heat on my back wrapping around my front.  I had Lauren and Brian taking turns alternating between pushing my hips together or rubbing with fists against my hip bones.  Contractions (which looking back was a little bit of back labor) continued to intensify and kept coming 1-2mins apart. At about 5am they checked me and I was a 7.  I felt a little defeated because how was it that I had been doing this for a few hours and not been further along.

During the contractions I would sway back and forth on my knees leaning against the bed with Lauren or Brian adding some kind of counter pressure.  I found myself being abrupt and demanding on how they needed to do it for each one. I may have managed to elbow Brian in the head several times on accident as I reached my hand back to guide theirs on where to push to give some relief. Between 5am and 7am through my contractions I would say "guys please help me" and "I need help". looking back Brian and I laugh, but I couldn't communicate what I needed nor did I really know.  I just needed relief. I remember during this thinking about some of my friends who I knew gave birth naturally and tried to draw strength from not just that so many women before me had done this, but that people I knew and love did and I was capable.  I did occasionally think, "why do people do it naturally. why did I want to do this again?" Then I remembered Aubrey and that this was temporary.

At 7am the Dr on call came back in to check me.  At this point she said I was a 10.  My response was "OH THANK GOD." And I began to cry. I needed to be a 10 in that moment.  My water had not yet broken and they gave me the option of allowing it to break on its own (so that my contractions would naturally bring down Aubrey more) or having them break it which would just increase contractions and pain (but Aubrey would still need to drop lower before I could push). I decided to wait for my water to break on its own....