Learning...

Sad thing is that I feel like God has been speaking so much truth to me but I have not taken to time to process all of it. A few weeks ago at work they launched this "Staff4Pastor" thing (more about that to come) with the VP of Community Formation giving the devotional/talk for the morning.

She spoke on Matthew 11:28-30:
²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
 

She focused on the attributes used to describe God that are in the verses. God is gentle and humble in heart. How could what he give us not be that which is of himself. Everyone knows the saying "God does not give you more than you can handle." This is not a biblical statement. God does not give you the burdens and things that may be hard to handle. And you may in fact get dealt something that is too much to handle. The example given was of Elijah in 1 Kings 19 when the angel of the Lord comes to him and says that the "journey has been too hard".  The sin and brokenness of this world is not from God and it may in fact be too hard or too much. God rescues us and frees us from the bondage and brokenness of the world. We can and still will be bruised and broken up from the world. God is the healer. Not the giver of these things.

 

God did not give me too much to handle when my mom died. Nor did he cause her death.  A life of sin/brokenness and addiction caused the disease that took my mom away.  Good thing that after my mom died she had the hope of restoration in Christ and living in the presence of the Lord who would be able to take away all brokenness, sin and addiction that she still had on earth. She is completely made new.
 

And for me. I know that God did not give me this card, or this road. It is a result of this world but God can make everything new.  He can use it all for his good and perfect purpose; which is to have us know him and to share him with his lost children. So they too can have life in him.

My heart is slowly healing. And I am thankful that the Lord continues to speak words of truth and life to me during this time. As one who prided herself in the way that she was able to function again in life after her mom died before some of her other siblings; I have to admit I was naïve to think that my heart would heal that quickly. And I am thankful to begin to focus on that because I have realized that I have placed a shield around my heart as protection since then.  Today I choose to lower that shield and focus on God's love for me and trust him with my heart for he is gentle and humble and loves me more than I can even imagine.