I am super excited about all of the trips and things that are coming up. I feel really blessed to be able to do all of it and so amazed at the Lord's continued faithfulness through his provision. Thus the title of this blog...
I think though that the reason for my blog is to be reminded about how we can NOT make ourselves grow (Philippians 1:6) but we are definitely a part of the process and we need to realize we are called to continue working out our salvation (Philippians 2:12). I am excited to say that the last month (more specifically the last week and into this week) has been a very different story then most of the last year and a half here in the desert. The Lord has been speaking to my heart in a way that he has been very quiet about for long time (too long if you ask me). I am so blessed and thankful that he is beginning to speak again to my heart (in a way that only he can) and it is only by his Grace that I am even able to hear and know that he is.
The last few weeks we learned about Jeremiah 29 at church. Everyone knows Jeremiah 29:11 but not very many people study the context of the verse let alone any of the surrounding verses. These people that the Lord is speaking to in Jeremiah were in exile. Feeling I have spent much of the last year and a half in the desert I think I can find some hope in what exactly the Lord was speaking:
Jeremiah 29:10-14
This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
In the middle of the dessert it feels like God does not know the plans of your life and if he does and this is it you don't really want those plans. I personally felt like I was wrestling with God for the last year and a half. I did not want to be in the place he had brought me to and with or without him I was not going to enjoy where I was.
I was stuck. I was tired. I was lonely. I was broken. I was disappointed. I did not want to be where I was and that un-contentment poured over into the rest of my life. I felt like I could not find him and I could not hear him.
Later in chapter 29 of Jeremiah it says in verse 28:
"He has sent this message to us in Babylon: It will be a long time. Therefore build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce.”
It kind of feels like he is saying "Get comfortable you will be here a while but trust that I know what I am doing". Which makes so much sense since he does know what he is doing and he is God. It is just harder in the midst of it to see.
Here is a video that I thought helped out with this image:
I was going along just fine with my relationship with Jesus and loved my community and life in Colorado. Then I moved. And slowly my escalator began to break and slowly come to a place where it finally would stop and break. I remember that I tried to keep it going (probably rocking back and forth a few times as it made some clang noises) and I hoped that I would just make it to the top of this thing before it stopped completely. ("This Thing" referring to my lovely in between stage of life in Texas)
Stairs...they are harder but why sit in the same spot. It might be harder to climb the stair but its worth continuing on. How ridiculous are those people that because their life hit a bump in the road they forgot that they could walk.
But I too forgot that I could walk. I took the first step after sitting for a while (because I knew Truth) at the beginning of 2011. I set goals that would end up getting me to the top of this once escalator that turned into stairs and I simply refused to just be stuck. Then my mom died suddenly and it immediately stopped me in my tracks. Really I sat down because I couldn't even stand. I didn't want to have to walk. I wanted it to be easy. Almost as in protest. I forgot the promises. (do not misunderstand: I love Jesus. and he is Good. I just don't always understand his timing and why things happen but he NEVER changes. These truths about God did not fade)
BUT don't miss what the verses above said. He will fulfill his promises of restoring us to where we once were in communion with him. No I have not studied this much further then reading my experiences into the text and what my pastor said about it but what comfort and hope it brought to my spirit.
That does not mean he will fix the escalator but he will get our feet moving and speak the truth we need to hear to get up and stop being lazy and not content. I know that my personal situation with some awesome answered prayers were a reminder of his faithfulness along with everything I talked about in my last blog. I needed so much for him to speak truth but I wasn't willing to hear for the majority of the time.
When I was finally able to look outside of myself and the Lord by his grace broke through this wall I had put up I could hear him speak once more to me.
I may never be (and trust me the smallest chance EVER) a Texas Girl but I will take the next however long (hopefully just a year) and continue to make my place here and continue to find my contentment in Christ with the hope that he will restore things. Because he already has started to...
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