Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Sweet Memories...

I love this song because it reminds me of YL Camp with my awesome YL girls(2-3yrs ago)...and I remember praying this for them.

I heard it a few times in the last year and I knew it but I could not place it until tonight when i heard it...and my heart melt.  I could do nothing but smile. But tonight it was more than a memory and  it was not a prayer for those who do not know the Lord but it was spoken to me.  Thank you Lord for the reminder of who you are and the way that you love us. 

So constant.
So faithful.
So GOOD.

 
Unfortunately the original video and other videos will not link but check out:

Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors "Live Forever"


 By your grace alone Jesus, my mommy gets to live forever.

A long day ahead....

12 hour day ahead of work and craziness at both Baylor and the first Wednesday night at church for the new school year...

This will then be followed by Journey which is the college ministry (that has been moved to weds and has increased the amount of stuff I must get done in one day) at FUMC.

This is then followed by packing for the weekend ahead.  I am excited to see my family in MO.

I slept for 8 hours but it feels like I only slept for maybe a few...

DREAM DREAM DREAM....that's all I did.  It was so restless because of that.  At 2am I woke up and thought I had not slept at all.  This was then followed by waking up 3 hours later at 5am and feeling like it had been maybe 2:30am.  I then slept off and on with my mind going until finally I peeled myself out of bed at 6:35am...

Well here is to a new day and a long one at that....

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A little bit about me...

I have been talking with people lately about the MBTI test and also the Strengths Finders Test so I thought I would post about what I am....its kind of funny how closely it describes me...

MBTI: I am an ISTJ- Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging (Primary/natural ways I function out of)

As an ISTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically. 

ISTJs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living. They have a strongly-felt internal sense of duty, which lends them a serious air and the motivation to follow through on tasks. Organized and methodical in their approach, they can generally succeed at any task which they undertake. 

ISTJs are very loyal, faithful, and dependable. While they generally take things very seriously, they also usually have an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun - especially at family or work-related gatherings.


ISTJs have tremendous respect for facts. They hold a tremendous store of facts within themselves, which they have gathered through their Sensing preference. They may have difficulty understanding a theory or idea which is different from their own perspective. However, if they are shown the importance or relevance of the idea to someone who they respect or care about, the idea becomes a fact, which the ISTJ will internalize and support. Once the ISTJ supports a cause or idea, he or she will stop at no lengths to ensure that they are doing their duty of giving support where support is needed.


The ISTJ is extremely faithful and loyal. Traditional and family-minded, they will put forth great amounts of effort at making their homes and families running smoothly. They are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously. They are usually good and generous providers to their families. They care deeply about those close to them, although they usually are not comfortable with expressing their love. The ISTJ is likely to express their affection through actions, rather than through words. 

ISTJs have an excellent ability to take any task and define it, organize it, plan it, and implement it through to completion. They are very hard workers, who do not allow obstacles to get in the way of performing their duties. They do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations.

Under stress, ISTJs may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong. They will berate themselves for things which they should have done differently, or duties which they failed to perform. They will lose their ability to see things calmly and reasonably, and will depress themselves with their visions of doom. 

In general, the ISTJ has a tremendous amount of potential. Capable, logical, reasonable, and effective individuals with a deeply driven desire to promote security and peaceful living, the ISTJ has what it takes to be highly effective at achieving their chosen goals - whatever they may be. 

My StrengthsFinders include:
Relator: People who are strong in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.

Achiever: People strong in the Achiever theme have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.  

Focus: People strong in the Focus theme can take a direction, follow through, and make the corrections necessary to stay on track. They prioritize, then act. 

Deliberative: People strong in the Deliberative theme are best described by the serious care they take in making decisions or choices. They anticipate the obstacles.

Discipline: People strong in the Discipline theme enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Monday Morning...

RESTLESS

I am the sea on a moonless night
Calling falling, slipping tides
I am the leaky, dripping pipes
The endless, aching drops of lights

I am the raindrop falling down
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed

Even the rivers ways to run
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even my thirsty streams
Even in my dreams

I am restless
I am restless
I am breathless
I’m looking for you

I am restless
I run like the ocean to find your shore
I’m looking for you

Running for the other side
The world that I’ve always been denied
I’m running for the infinite
With the tears of saints and hypocrites

Oh, blood of black and white and grey
Oh, death in life and night in day
One by one by one
We let our rivers run
They run restless
Run restless
Drifting and breathless
I’m looking for you

We run restless
We run like the ocean to reach your shore
I’m looking for you

I can hear you breathing
I can feel you leading
More than just a feeling

I can feel you you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
Till the final healing
Everything completing

Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
Where tide and tear and pain subside
And laughter drinks them dry

I’ll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for

With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
I’m looking for you

Monday, August 22, 2011

New Things

There are a few new things I love and some may boarder on obsession (ha!).


 This show is probably not knew to anyone else but Brian and I (considering they have 43 seasons or something) but it does not change how much I enjoy watching this show.  Most of the commentary that Brian and I are able to have is:

A. What we do or do not like about the house.
B. How snobby people are when looking for a home.
C. We give our opinion on which we would get/believe is best for the couple who is looking to buy a home.
D. And last but not least we guess which one they will choose (trust me it sometimes is not equal to option C)

It definitely makes watching TV so much more fun and allows us still to interact.  (nowhere near ever wanting to buy a house but the show is fun!)
                                                                                                                                                          
Jump Roping!

Yup this is a very new thing for me and I am excited about it because it awesome and gives you a full body work out in about 6mins!  
SO my goal is to be able to first do 5mins straight and then 10mins and then 15mins...This is MUCH harder than it sounds! TRUST ME! Another goal is to do this every morning Mon-Friday (since its quick it only requires getting up 15mins earlier) and you feel like you got a full body work out after just two days of it! Right now I can jump for 1.5mins straight and have a 30sec break and then continue I continue this pattern for 10mins.  Gravity is not on your side as you get older. (but this is the one thing after 2 times I can tell is counteracting having to sit on my butt all day at work) YAY!

Nutter Butter Blizzards from DQ
These are soooo good! I am surprised that they have never had this before! Anyway I may have only gone there twice this month to get it (its the special for Aug) but that does not mean that I am not absolutely in love with it! :)


Friday, August 19, 2011

God's Provision

It is amazing to sit here and write about the way the Lord has provided!

He is so good and I know that he has blessed and planned this trip to Haiti long before I even knew about it. 

What an awesome thing to know and to be in full confidence of him.  To know you are supposed to be somewhere with out a doubt at a certain time.  Without the grace and provision of the Lord I would not be going to Haiti in October.  Grace to hear the Lord say Go (not once, not twice but three times).  You can read my blog that kind of goes through that roller coaster. And grace to know that he will provide and make a way if this is what he wants. 

I am overwhelmed with how much he has provided!  I could not have asked for a better reminder of his goodness and faithfulness.  This has been one area that I have laid down to him and I am so thankful that I did.(and what a great reminder that I need to lay everything down).  Thank you Brazos Meadows for joining me and coming along side me to be a part of what the Lord is doing.

Now lets just try and lay down this upcoming weekend and all of the fun that is to be had (which has already been a stress-er and been a drain on me ...blah!)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Grace

SO needless to say my Tues evening did not go as planned or as smooth as I would have liked.  As a result going to bed at 1:15am stays with you into the next day.  BUT I have a very awesome faithful God that loves me and keeps chasing after me even when I don't want to get out of bed.  I wake up several times in the night to use the restroom (at least most nights and especially the last 4 or 5 weeks since I cant shake some infections) and I woke up twice in the 6 hours I had to sleep last night. But each time with the chorus of the song Healer by Kari Jobe in my head.

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need



What an awesome reminder of how great and awesome our God is!  With some stuff that I was having to deal with last night it was a reminder that my God sees it all and knows it all.  Before I even was able to come before him and really seek him in it all, he met me.  I am so glad that my God is big enough to care about little old me (a speck in time). 

The song that began to play this morning on my way to work (which is just about a song length of time) also reinforced and reminded me that my God always comes through (and even better than that he does NOT delay!)




"Always"

My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Troubles surround me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
From You Lord, from You Lord

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always, always 
 
Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

73 days till Haiti....51 days till Colorado...and 23days till Missouri

I am super excited about all of the trips and things that are coming up.  I feel really blessed to be able to do all of it and so amazed at the Lord's continued faithfulness through his provision.  Thus the title of this blog...

I think though that the reason for my blog is to be reminded about how we can NOT make ourselves grow (Philippians 1:6) but we are definitely a part of the process and we need to realize we are called to continue working out our salvation (Philippians 2:12).  I am excited to say that the last month (more specifically the last week and into this week) has been a very different story then most of the last year and a half here in the desert.  The Lord has been speaking to my heart in a way that he has been very quiet about for long time (too long if you ask me).  I am so blessed and thankful that he is beginning to speak again to my heart (in a way that only he can) and it is only by his Grace that I am even able to hear and know that he is.

The last few weeks we learned about Jeremiah 29 at church.  Everyone knows Jeremiah 29:11 but not very many people study the context of the verse let alone any of the surrounding verses.  These people that the Lord is speaking to in Jeremiah were in exile.  Feeling I have spent much of the last year and a half in the desert I think I can find some hope in what exactly the Lord was speaking:

Jeremiah 29:10-14
This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place.  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.   I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

In the middle of the dessert it feels like God does not know the plans of your life and if he does and this is it you don't really want those plans.  I personally felt like I was wrestling with God for the last year and a half.  I did not want to be in the place he had brought me to and with or without him I was not going to enjoy where I was.

I was stuck. I was tired. I was lonely.  I was broken.  I was disappointed.  I did not want to be where I was and that un-contentment poured over into the rest of my life.  I felt like I could not find him and I could not hear him. 

Later in chapter 29 of Jeremiah it says in verse 28:
"He has sent this message to us in Babylon: It will be a long time. Therefore build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce.”

It kind of feels like he is saying "Get comfortable you will be here a while but trust that I know what I am doing".  Which makes so much sense since he does know what he is doing and he is God.  It is just harder in the midst of it to see.

Here is a video that I thought helped out with this image:
I was going along just fine with my relationship with Jesus and loved my community and life in Colorado.  Then I moved. And slowly my escalator began to break and slowly come to a place where it finally would stop and break.  I remember that I tried to keep it going (probably rocking back and forth a few times as it made some clang noises) and I hoped that I would just make it to the top of this thing before it stopped  completely.  ("This Thing" referring to my lovely in between stage of life in Texas)

Stairs...they are harder but why sit in the same spot.  It might be harder to climb the stair but its worth continuing on.  How ridiculous are those people that because their life hit a bump in the road they forgot that they could walk.

But I too forgot that I could walk. I took the first step after sitting for a while (because I knew Truth) at the beginning of 2011.  I set goals that would end up getting me to the top of this once escalator that turned into stairs and I simply refused to just be stuck.  Then my mom died suddenly and it immediately stopped me in my tracks.  Really I sat down because I couldn't even stand. I didn't want to have to walk.  I wanted it to be easy.  Almost as in protest.  I forgot the promises. (do not misunderstand: I love Jesus. and he is Good. I just don't always understand his timing and why things happen but he NEVER changes.  These truths about God did not fade)

BUT don't miss what the verses above said.  He will fulfill his promises of restoring us to where we once were in communion with him.  No I have not studied this much further then reading my experiences into the text and what my pastor said about it but what comfort and hope it brought to my spirit.

That does not mean he will fix the escalator but he will get our feet moving and speak the truth we need to hear to get up and stop being lazy and not content. I know that my personal situation with some awesome answered prayers were a reminder of his faithfulness along with everything I talked about in my last blog.  I needed so much for him to speak truth but I wasn't willing to hear for the majority of the time.

When I was finally able to look outside of myself and the Lord by his grace broke through this wall I had put up I could hear him speak once more to me.

I may never be (and trust me the smallest chance EVER) a Texas Girl but I will take the next however long (hopefully just a year) and continue to make my place here and continue to find my contentment in Christ with the hope that he will restore things.  Because he already has started to...

Friday, August 5, 2011

Hello August

It has been an awesome start to the month of August.  I have had a great week.  I am so excited about my new job and how much of a change and blessing it is.

I get paid more............. ..........1.80/hour raise.
Not being Bored......................Sanity.
People are so much nicer..........Priceless.

Lets just say I don't dread work and I am excited about not being tired ever night when I get off work.

My heart has been heavy in the midst of all of this bliss. But the Lord is so Faithful.

I think it is a result of me trying to comprehend and understand what 6months means.  That is half of a year. My mom has been gone (which mind you replaced the word I would have used but it seems to be so much more morbid than I would like to come across).  Its crazy.  But as a I remember and walk back through the pain the Lord was so gracious and reminded me of all the thing he let her experience during the last year (8months) before she left.

1. She watched me graduate from College (education was always important) This was also the first time she met Brian (which I am so grateful that she was able to and then also when went for labor day 2010)
2. Seeing all of her kids on Mother's Day 2010.
3. Meeting (for the first time ever) some half-sisters that she never knew about (her birthday weekend when she was in Indiana where she grew up).
4. Having a White Christmas.  This is big because she loved when it snowed.  It was like she was a little kid and she was the one pushing us outside to play in the snow and build a snow man (this was of course when I was in middle school and she lived in northern AZ).  She sent me a picture of it and she was so excited that they woke up to snow.
5. Catching a Catfish less than 48hours before she died she text messaged her kids the picture of her with her catfish (which is on my cell phone still).  She had been fishing for about a year or something and it was her first catfish.  I will try and get the picture up because the joy on her face is so great.

Each of these things show grace that the Lord bestowed upon my mom.  I know some of the things seem random or trivial but she loved the little things and never had the easiest life but she could still be so joyful because of the smallest stuff.

As sweet memories as these may be they open a whole in my heart and remind me of the pain a little more than I would like.  But Thank You Lord for being so faithful and hearing the desires of our hearts and allowing for that last year to be one that brought great joy to her.  It is comforting.