Restless

 The Lord is good.

The Church is good. (and when I say the Church I mean the body of believers).

church on the other hand (as a building) is not my favorite. No organization of flawed people will be perfect but when the Lord is the center of what they are doing I know that only good can come from that.  And by no means are there not good and even amazing things coming from churches (that is what the Lord wants) but I think there is a disconnect between what we are "supposed to do" and what we think we are to do.

Maybe after I get through this blog posting you will group me into a specific kind of Christian (be it Post-Modern, Emergent or whatever you think fits) but in any case I know the Lord has given me a restless heart and has not allowed me to be content in this area.  It may also come up that you do not agree with what I am saying but know that as I write I am processing as well.  I dont believe in the building or the specific denomination but I am also not one of those that takes a little of each religion, I believe in a relationship with Christ.

I am not content and have not been for a while now.  Content in Christ yes (not always because of my part I play in that relationship because like anyone I need to spend more time with him) but content in who he is and knowing and holding onto the promises he has given me.

My restlessness comes from both my previous experiences and my current.(which are just one persons experience and by no means do I believe they would be completely the same if I grew up differently).

I never grew up in a Christian home that went to church every Wed and Sunday.  But the Lord planted seeds along the way and opened the door for me as well as my family to find him.  I personally wanted to grow and to learn and the Lord has made the first 6-7 years with him constant growth and FULL life (the way he intended it to be).
To List a few examples of how and where LIFE has been played out:
-YL and Leaders
-YL Camp
-Two Mexico Mission Trips in High School
-YL Work Crew
-Roommates in College
-Young Life Team I led with
-Discipleship Focus
-More Roommates in College
-YL internship
-Getting to love on and walk with AMAZING YL girls.

(Some of you may read the list above and think, "well Megan did you ever do anything with a church?" Actually yes I did.  "And all of the things you did where mountain top experiences."  Well yes some were a glimpse into what the Lord truly wants for us and maybe even a small window into what Heaven would be like [in my opinion of course] but some of it was all happening in the midst of school and a job and a friend dying and having to process it all.)

The last year to two years has been a very different story.  The community is lacking. The LIFE that is experienced in the communities that are present is not one that has drawn me in.  I know that I have talked about how the Lord has pulled me out into the Dessert to wait on him (and mind you I thought 2011 here we go...back into the promise land and then my mom died which threw my whole world upside down). I know that "Life after College" is different. I know. I have been living that for a year and a half, you do not have to remind me. But life with the believers and life with Christ should not be so different that it is not doing the same things and that is LIVING life to the fullest the way the Lord desires for us to.  (And potentially maybe I have missed what he had for me here because I am this finite being who has many flaws, but I am just not so sure).

There have been some great moments of hope and community shown but they are not constant.  The church (the building, the gatherings, and the times) on the other hand in Waco, TX is what is constant. I don't want that. I want life outside of the walls to be the same as it is in.  Mind you I am so very thankful for the few families that have been that way. And I know that other people want it to be that way but they are stuck (just like me) in this American Society of working, tv, vacations, families or what some call "life" and having to pay bills (or student loans in my case).

But there is MORE. And my heart feels trapped. I know there is more.  There is more than the programming and all the events. What happened to living life with people.  And yes if you want to be a church (building) that GOES your CHURCH (body of believers) needs to want to go.

 The best community I have experienced was when we were all working towards the same goal for someone or something outside of ourselves.  Community and more importantly Authentic Community will not happen unless people want it. You cant make people want it.  But I guarantee if you put a room full of believers together and they are (and these are just examples) building a house or running a camp which causes exhaustion and takes everything they have to do the task at hand, relationships will be built and life will be shared.

That is why I am excited to go to Haiti in October.  To serve. To meet a need. And to do it with people. Lives will and are being changed. That is what it is all about.

It is why I am so excited for my YL Girl (and friend) to get baptized June 19th. Such an incredible thing. And if I could be there I would be.

I know there is more because my heart aches sometimes for those I love that are far away from me. (And when I say people I love they are my brothers and sisters in Christ).  Its one thing I have tried understanding, God wants us to love people but we lose them or they move away or things change yet a part of who we are is because of them if they have also opened their lives up.

Risk and sacrifice cause us to grow and to really live.

Life Change, Discipleship, Evangelism and whatever else a church hopes to do starts with more than programing and checking church off the list.

I dont think the question should be, "what can we add or do more of to disciple and grow as a church?" But i think the question should be, "what are we doing? Is it having the results we want?" (which should be life changes and authentic communities that are going out) "If not, what can we change and/or improve? Do we need to scrap it all together or do we need to revise?"

Adding one more thing in the week that is confined to the walls of the church and (if you have ever been a part of this kind of community that is doing something for others and takes risk and sacrifice you will agree) living in the bubble of church is not satisfying.  For some its their comfort bubble and they do love it and its all they know.  They go to church with people. They share lunch and dinners. They have soccer practice for their kids. They are there every Wednesday, Sunday morning and Sunday night. Along with all of the other volunteer and outreach opportunities.

There is nothing wrong with this...please hear me.  But I think that if there is no way for someone that does not fit into that mold then they will not be welcomed or feel a part of something missing.  Also why are we filling peoples lives up so full that there is no room to rest in Christ?  Even if they are good things that we may be adding to people lives and schedules they could be doing more harm than the good we intend.

There is so much time devoted to church to work on the Church (the people who go there) that there is no time (other than scheduled monthly outreach) to do life with people and we lose opportunities the Lord would have for us.  We tell people to leave room in their schedules and to be able to be open to the Holy Spirit's leading yet we are the ones that are filling their schedules.

Again there are so many reasons (maybe it is Brian's community...not mine or doing ministry/discipleship for myself at one church and working at another) that may have something to do with this restlessness from God but whatever it is I am restless and dissatisfied with MORE programing within the church and less doing LIFE with the CHURCH.

Maybe I just rambled or spoke heresy (in your eyes) but what I know about and how I know Jesus is more through people of the Church and life than church itself.

{Disclaimer:  Church both as a place and as a body of believers is a good thing and by no means am I discounting those who work there(because I work at a church too) Or those who have found that community and full life I have been talking about within the church.}