Today at Lunch

Today at lunch I was reminded of how much I miss my mom.

This week has been a long week. One of those that drags and drags. Especially because I am dreading tomorrow. November 8th. One of the three hardest days of the year (Mom's anniversary of her death and Mother's Day being the other two).  It will come every year and this is the second year so far that we do not celebrate my mom's birthday with her.

SO back to what I was really wanting to share.  Today at lunch one of the admins was sharing about her recent trip home to PA to surprise her mom for her Birthday.  (My mom's birthday is tomorrow and of course I cannot go home and surprise her.)

I just smiled and really and truly thought it was so neat what she had done for her mom but I sat quietly living in my grief.  There have been only a few people here in Wilmore that I have talked or shared my mom's death with at all. And the group of women that I was eating with would have been so kind and gracious if I chose to share or relate the surprise trip Heidi took to see her mom to the fact that tomorrow is my mom's birthday but she passed away in Jan of 2011 and I would give anything to see her.

Yeah, no. I can't do that. I can't be the person who brings down the mood of the room.  So I sat so nice making sure I did not shed any tears.

Heidi also shared about some personal stuff in her life that happened over the last year or so with one of the newer admins. One part was about hiding away in the stall of the bathroom crying.  (Hello! I remember so many times were I would go to the bathroom because my desk was out in the open at Baylor and I did not want others to see me cry. These of course were in the early months after my mom passed away.)

Today I just felt like I understood so much of what she was talking about (even though they are completely different major events in our lives) but I just felt like I couldn't share anything.  I really hate that feeling.